Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
