Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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