there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
