I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
