ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize