Do you still have your period?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
