I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
