not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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