is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
