we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
