I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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