i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
