I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
