In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
