my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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