dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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