so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
