Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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