My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You can't motorboat a personality
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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