We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
