I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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