hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
