It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
