Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
