Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
