i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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