Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
