he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
