spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
