There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
