I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
