Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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