I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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