Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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