The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
