accomplished twins. life is a go
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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