the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
