1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
only you would photoshop your dick
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
