i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am spending my child support on dildos
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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