Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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