the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
