i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
