I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sober January is a disaster.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
