i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
