What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
