Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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