sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
