I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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