my soul wont recognize me after tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize