If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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