Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
