yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
