If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
