You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
