When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
