Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
