I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
