why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
