I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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