...so i touched it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
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I need you to use more vowels.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This is my life. Enjoy the view
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
