STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
