He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
