and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize