Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
