Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
