you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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