Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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