Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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